When they punish you for their self-loathing

When they punish you for their self-loathing

When they punish you for their self-loathing

Self-loathing is marked by harsh criticism and bad thoughts or feelings about oneself. It involves an internal story that blames, shames, condemns, and demeans the person.

Everyone has their own value and worth. On the other hand, people who hate themselves often hear a loud, critical voice inside their heads that shames and criticises them for every mistake or flaw they make. This constant negativity could change the way someone sees the world. They might not realise how bad their thoughts are. People who are self-conscious tend to ignore or downplay the good things in their lives so they can only focus on the bad.


Self-hatred often starts when people are young. Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) may have stayed with an adult and still affect them. There are examples of these situations at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Known Source:

  • Kids who have been hurt
  • Domestic violence
  • Abuse of the body, mind, or both
  • Unfortunate family circumstances
  • A low sense of self-worth

Children who have been through a traumatic event are more likely to hurt themselves than children who haven’t.

2022 investigation

Comparable outcomes were discovered by Trusted Source. According to research, children who have experienced maltreatment and emotional abuse frequently express self-hatred and intentional self-harm. According to Mental Health America (MHA), the following can contribute to feelings of self-hatred:

  • The act of assessing oneself in relation to others
  • Unrealistically high expectations of oneself
  • Excessive self-criticism
  • Refusal to forgive prior transgressions
  • Loneliness or the desire to fit in
  • Because of habit

In order to feel worthwhile, young children who experienced insecure bonds developed pathological perfectionism, according to a 2022 study. This created a vicious cycle of unrealistic expectations, self-destructive behaviour, self-hatred, and shame. Learn more about how perfectionism affects one’s mental health.


Self-hatred is not a condition in and of itself. Although it can manifest in a variety of ways, it frequently involves a lack of self-confidence, self-compassion, and a critical voice toward oneself. Individuals who despise themselves are prone to the following behaviours or thought patterns:

  • Not feeling sufficient
  • Having eating problems or disorders
  • Being overly stressed or overwhelmed
  • Demonstrating chronic self-neglect or a lack of self-care
  • Having toxic relationships
  • Having codependence
  • Drug or alcohol addiction
  • Self-hatred in action examples

Ruminating thoughts are common in people who despise themselves. This entails having unfavourable mental processes that keep recurring.

Here are some examples of self-hating thoughts:

  • He says, “I am nothing.”
  • “I won’t accomplish much in life.”
  • I don’t deserve to be happy.
  • I look awful.

When someone hates themselves, they can be easily recognised by the way they think. Some of them could be the following ways of thinking:

Seeing things in black and white (all-or-nothing)

This way of thinking is based on extremes or hard-and-fast rules. This person can’t deal with ambiguity and thinks that life is either great or awful. For example, “If I fail at this, I’m a total loser.”

Making snap decisions

When someone does this, they are making assumptions that aren’t backed up by any data. A person is going out on a date. They think something bad will happen even before the date.


Sophia Amelia is the New York Times Bestselling Author. Writing stories to inspire young minds. Celebrating the power of words & imagination through my books. Join me on my journey to creating stories that will capture your imagination and captivate your heart.

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